For me, and a few others people I’ve known who suffer from MH disorders, the first real signs of recovery involve a strange internal shift about going out. In that, rather than finding the thought of strange new places, or even familiar places that take a lot of psyching up to go to scary and unappealing, you find yourself actually wanting to explore. It’s a very weird sensation, and one I’ve had a difficult relationship with. Last year I managed to go out quite a lot as the thought of new places was more appealing than not, but this year I’ve had a little slide back and am finding going out very hard again. Which is super frustrating.
I find that the internal debates about going out, instead of reaching a compromise, end up in stalemate or fall on the side of staying in, either through the passing of time or allowing other things to get in the way. Persuading myself there’s no time left to go somewhere is very easy, even if it’s not entirely true.
I’m trying not to beat myself up about it, as it’s a process, just as all of recovery is. I’ve made a promise to myself to try harder to allow the urge to go out to win. Especially as summer rolls in (I’m not a fan of the cold and the weather’s been awful – which is no excuse for not going out when all you’re doing is going to your favourite cafe to work).
Anyway, I hope this vlog is useful, that you find something in it to relate to, or that it helps you understand how very hard it is, even in recovery and wanting to go out, to maintain the upward trend of actually doing so. And hey, if you’re in the same position as me here, don’t beat yourself up. You’ll get there again, just as I will. It takes time. All of it does. Be patient with yourself. Show yourself some compassion.
That goes for anyone who lives with or loves someone suffering from MH issues. Compassion is the best response to any of their struggles. This is definitely one of those situations where the thoroughly modern quip ‘The struggle is real’ has relevance.
The struggle is real.
Some links to support groups: