Being Sisyphus…

Friedrich_John_nach_Matthäus_Loder_Sisyphus_ubs_G_0825_IILast year I made a revelatory discovery. For me it serves as an addendum to the notion that wherever we go, we take ourselves with us. The self is inescapable. You cannot leave the mistakes you have made behind you wholesale, like forgotten luggage, or become a different person in a new place…well, you can, but it’s all artifice. Masks. Illusion. It’s not real. And only the real is truly worth holding on to in life. Holding on to a fantasy is dangerous. A trap. A way to lose everything, including the self. I’m not going to qualify that, or mark it YMMV, as this is my blog and, really, anyone reading it who takes it as anything other than my personal opinion is looking for conflict in all the wrong places. That sort of person can take their disordered self elsewhere. I will not fight.

So this addendum I speak of. What is it? It’s not complicated. Very simply put it states that a new year is nothing more than a turning of days. Obvious yeah? Yeah. There’s absolutely nothing special about the Eve of the New Year. Unless we mark it with fireworks, pomp and circumstance, that day sits there in its insignificance, no more than a stepping stone in a week. Therefore, with regards to resolutions, I say if we are not already working on that path toward our desires then the turning of that day, however much meaning is placed upon it, will do nothing to motivate us for anything more than a fleeting moment. If we desire change, I mean really, truly desire it: a change of self, a new career, a new way of thinking, a new hobby or passion, then there is only one answer to that desire, one action that might lead to it becoming real: Start Now.

Don’t wait for a day of any particular significance. If you want something badly enough, every day is significant. Every day is a step toward a goal. A chance to push forward. Be Sisyphus on the mountain. Place your shoulder to that rock and push. And whilst you are pushing, take the time to build platforms, staircases; warm, inviting way-stations where others on the same journey might meet with you and be encouraged. Encourage openly and without fear. Shout from every platform about the brilliance of your fellow climbers. Be compassionate. Care. Be generous. We are all starving for air, we all long for the mountaintop, and we rarely make it by ourselves, or by dint of hard work alone. So start right now. Put your shoulder to the rock and push, whether it’s the 1st of 2015 for you, or the ending hours of the 31st of 2014, every day is as good as any other. Every day is a good day to begin.

That’s how I’m going forwards, not into 2015, but in general. This year I’ve struggled to get on my feet in more ways than one, had ideas that couldn’t quite come to fruition in the way I wanted, had yet more personal struggle and professional disappointment. It lead me to the inescapable conclusion that I have a long way to go, but that, even now, at almost 39, I am nowhere near ready to give up. What I am, in fact, is ready to really put my back into it. To push toward my dreams. To step way outside of my comfort zones in order to try and make the fantasy real. That’s my 2015. Graft, and lots of it. Trying to reach out, trying to remember (as I am truly awful at consistency) to keep shouting out about how amazing my fellow creative folk are, whether or not my voice dissipates into the abyss. And I have only one resolution…which is more of a reminder to myself to keep going than anything else:

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