Minions of Misery Award.

This Marvellously Goth-tastic bestowal was awarded to me by Colin Barnes, who himself was nominated by one of the award’s co-creators Anne Michaud a while back. I didn’t want to lose it now I’ve stuffed my other blog, so here it is again and I’ll link to various other recipients of the award at the end. There’s a bevy of good books and movies and juicy secrets to read.

My task was to reveal one deep and terrible secret, share one dark and dismal book and recommend one gruesome and fearful movie.

For your delectation and amusement… my choices:

My Secret:

I’m not much of a one for dark secrets. I tend to not be too concerned about people’s opinions.

But perhaps when I was younger, smaller (not by much admittedly :P ) and a trifle more concerned, I may have had a secret I didn’t want anyone else to know. And that little secret may have involved music. Not my beloved metal/thrash/punk… no indeed.

At one point in time I may have had what one might call a penchant for this terrible band of crooners: Color Me Badd. Or should I now refer to them as Color Me Barf? I, trenchant bitch, staunch metal head, punk ass muthafuckah, once loved a boy band. It is true, it is my shame, it is my dark and dreadful secret – well, it was… :P

Dark Book:

Oh, it looks so unassuming, doesn’t it? So sweet and gentile, a fun little booky wooky about vamps. Oh baby and you’d be so terribly wrong if you thought so.

Skull fucking, vomit scoffing, shit slurping, gut churning, feculent, licentious, gritty, hardcore and up in your face foul. This book has it all. I discovered it IN THE LIBRARY as a YOUNG TEEN (gosh, they do let youth read some FILTH don’t they :P ) and it blew my gore-loving little socks off.

This may be the most revoltingly brilliant book in all of history. It takes Meyer’s sparkly paedo, rams a sharpened pole up his arse and proceeds to replay on a loop an immortal scene from Cannibal Holocaust between his mouth and anus. Simply put, if you love horror and you’ve not read this, you need to slap yourself. HARD!

Dark Movie:

In this dark offering, Tod Browning delivers a movie of the grotesque and unimaginable – using a cast of genuine freaks.

Disturbing, unsettling and with an ending that will curdle your blood to chunks, it owns on so many levels.

A story of treachery, malignance and cruelty, it follows Cleopatra, a trapeze artist who marries Hans the midget when she learns of his large inheritance. The freaks decide to accept her but, in a drunken moment of foolishness, she reveals she’s sleeping with the only other normal in the circus, Hercules the Strong Man. Hans forgives her but, unbeknownst to him, she’s been slipping poison into his drinks, has plotted with Hercules to kill Hans and steal his money.

When Venus, another freak, overhears Cleo and Hercules discussing their plan, the freaks plot their own terrible scheme, a vile revenge. They set upon the couple at night and mutilate them hideously. Hercules is castrated and Cleo transformed into a hideous bird-woman.

Sounds silly, doesn’t it? But I assure you, this movie disturbs and horrifies just as much, if not more, than today’s more supposedly sophisticated horrific fare. Watch it, but be warned, you’ll be scared of freaks for the rest of your life.

And there we have it. A secret, a book and a film. All that remains is for me to leave you with a selection of winners for you to click through:

Colin Barnes

Anne Michaud

Jason Darrick

Angela Addams

Krista Walsh

Enjoy their answers and recommendations, leave them comments if you like. Leave me comments if the mood takes you… 😛

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